Two weeks ago I lost my dear father. He was 85, so he lived longer than many, but I still wanted more of him. As I have been reflecting on this loss, I have been struck by God’s kindness and wisdom through it all. He always has the last word. A friend said, “In the mystery of God, loss directly contributes to the great gain that is promised to us.” This has been my experience these last two weeks, even as “sorrows like sea billows roll,” and I thought I’d share the details with you, in hopes it provides some encouragement.
too young to be pall bearers, the twins watch with sober quiet as grandpa’s casket is brought into the church
Seeing the lifeless mortality of one dearly loved, the empty figure of a man, now lying in a cardboard box. He was strong enough, once, to carry my sleeping twelve-year-old body in from the car after late night road trips.
Gain:
God’s wisdom in turning our enemy, death, into a teacher; the eternity and value of what’s unseen, revealed by the decay of what’s visible.
grandsons
Loss:
A wife without her friend and love and co-laborer for 85% of her life! It hurts like a heart-attack every time realization strikes her that he’s gone. “I just get a terrible pain in my heart” was her strained description.
Gain:
She is learning to turn to HIM more, since she can’t turn to him anymore. She is being made ready even as he is enjoying the place that was made ready for him. She is remembering there is no marriage in heaven; and yet the rejoicing that the marriage supper of the Lamb will be far greater even than this pain.
A wife without her friend and love and co-laborer for 85% of her life! It hurts like a heart-attack every time realization strikes her that he’s gone. “I just get a terrible pain in my heart” was her strained description.
Gain:
She is learning to turn to HIM more, since she can’t turn to him anymore. She is being made ready even as he is enjoying the place that was made ready for him. She is remembering there is no marriage in heaven; and yet the rejoicing that the marriage supper of the Lamb will be far greater even than this pain.
Loss:
No more calling him for advice, no more of his perspective in my life, no more bright eyes that see me and respond in genuine joyful communion.
Gain:
The One in whom he formed his perspectives, the Word on which he based his advice, the joy of oneness in Christ with those I love . . . are all still available to me, and now of greater worth. The love and joy and fellowship in Jesus we are yet to experience, for which He redeemed us, is unimaginably glorious. The blessed hope of it is tangibly, painfully, real.
No more calling him for advice, no more of his perspective in my life, no more bright eyes that see me and respond in genuine joyful communion.
Gain:
The One in whom he formed his perspectives, the Word on which he based his advice, the joy of oneness in Christ with those I love . . . are all still available to me, and now of greater worth. The love and joy and fellowship in Jesus we are yet to experience, for which He redeemed us, is unimaginably glorious. The blessed hope of it is tangibly, painfully, real.
is this really happening?
Loss:
His birthday card, in which I poured out my heart more eloquently than ever, to encourage and uplift and express love and appreciation, got to him one day late! He didn’t hear all I had prepared to tell him.
Gain:
He is hearing the angels singing, “Holy! Holy! Holy!” He is hearing, “Well done!” He is hearing what I can’t even imagine!—something God has prepared for those who love him.
His birthday card, in which I poured out my heart more eloquently than ever, to encourage and uplift and express love and appreciation, got to him one day late! He didn’t hear all I had prepared to tell him.
Gain:
He is hearing the angels singing, “Holy! Holy! Holy!” He is hearing, “Well done!” He is hearing what I can’t even imagine!—something God has prepared for those who love him.
five grandsons staying for the final goodbye
Loss:
The aching finality of this change, the passing of a season never to cycle back again, the meaninglessness now of artifacts from his life’s work, and belongings.
Gain:
The transforming portrait of life as a vapor! As a flower fades, and its place remembers it no more, so will MY life be! My stuff, my projects, my important and urgent in this world are vanity. Indeed, “Only one life, ’twill soon be passed; only what’s done for Christ will last.”
The aching finality of this change, the passing of a season never to cycle back again, the meaninglessness now of artifacts from his life’s work, and belongings.
Gain:
The transforming portrait of life as a vapor! As a flower fades, and its place remembers it no more, so will MY life be! My stuff, my projects, my important and urgent in this world are vanity. Indeed, “Only one life, ’twill soon be passed; only what’s done for Christ will last.”
Philippians 3:7-11
But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.
But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.
Other Scriptures these thoughts are based on:
Psalm 103:15-16, Isaiah 40; John 14:3; Revelation 19:4-9; 2 Corinthians 4; John 15:9-13; 1 Peter 1:3; Titus 2:3; 1 Corinthians 2:6-10; 1 Corinthians 3:5-15
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